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Sandwich generation with aging parents
Kathy Cameron Kuehn • March 24, 2025
clients are being caregivers for both elderly parents and children of all ages. They are sandwiched between the generations and constantly pulled in different directions.
You are working a full-time job, one you enjoy to a certain extent.
Oh, sometimes it’s a bit much, when the kids have band, games, tutors or sleepovers, doctors, dentists, conferences, etc. etc. etc.
It might feel like doing kids’ stuff, and going to work are what makes up your life now.
But that’s ok, kids’ stuff is great.
And you do enjoy your job, mostly.
Then, Mom and Dad start to need help. Lots of help.
There have been discussions with your sibs, as to what should be done.
That’s where I come in as your life coach.
Together, we will navigate all of it, the housing, the medical appointments, the legal issues, the financial matters that will come up.
And we will figure out how to take care of it ALL.
One of the main questions I get asked is how do I make my parents do what I want, whether it be move to an assisted living, or go to the doctor or make a will – whatever it may be – how do I do that?
The short answer is you don’t. If you loved one is not judged by the Court to be incapacitated, they have the right, just as you do, to make their own decisions.
However, when you think about it, how do you get anyone to do what you want them to do?
Do you bully, threaten, yell, throw up your hands in frustration?
No, you look at it from their perspective.
Your parent, respected, loved and who you literally owe your life to, is growing older.
Think of their loss.
Not just the physical, eyesight, hearing, movement, sometimes speech and ability to think.
Really, their ability to choose how they want to live their lives.
Imagine how you would feel?
And really, isn’t that what is in your future too?
First, let them know you SEE them. You understand this is hard and probably not how they saw their future.
Tell them you love them and want them to be safe and happy.
Gently, tell them why you are proposing a move, or a doctor visit, or that its time to make a Will.
Tell them how they will benefit from this action, what is in it for them.
How would it be to have friends to watch a football game with?
To not have to clean?
To have your meals available, but, have the option to cook?
With a doctor visit, to feel better knowing they are healthier than they thought.
With a Will, to know that right now they can choose how their assets will be distributed, heaven forbid the state gets to decide. (yes that does happen)
Not just you.
Do your best to offer a choice, an alternative if possible.
Then step back, give them time to think.
And if necessary, let it go.
Respect their decision.
Even if you think it’s the wrong one.
At the end of the day, its not you decision to make.
s’ stuff, and going to work are what makes up your life now.
But that’s ok, kids’ stuff is great.
And you do enjoy your job, mostly.
Then, Mom and Dad start to need help. Lots of help.
There have been discussions with your sibs, as to what should be done.
That’s where I come in as your life coach.
Together, we will navigate all of it, the housing, the medical appointments, the legal issues, the financial matters that will come up.
And we will figure out how to take care of it ALL.
One of the main questions I get asked is how do I make my parents do what I want, whether it be move to an assisted living, or go to the doctor or make a will – whatever it may be – how do I do that?
The short answer is you don’t. If you loved one is not judged by the Court to be incapacitated, they have the right, just as you do, to make their own decisions.
However, when you think about it, how do you get anyone to do what you want them to do?
Do you bully, threaten, yell, throw up your hands in frustration?
No, you look at it from their perspective.
Your parent, respected, loved and who you literally owe your life to, is growing older.
Think of their loss.
Not just the physical, eyesight, hearing, movement, sometimes speech and ability to think.
Really, their ability to choose how they want to live their lives.
Imagine how you would feel?
And really, isn’t that what is in your future too?
First, let them know you SEE them. You understand this is hard and probably not how they saw their future.
Tell them you love them and want them to be safe and happy.
Gently, tell them why you are proposing a move, or a doctor visit, or that its time to make a Will.
Tell them how they will benefit from this action, what is in it for them.
How would it be to have friends to watch a football game with?
To not have to clean?
To have your meals available, but, have the option to cook?
With a doctor visit, to feel better knowing they are healthier than they thought.
With a Will, to know that right now they can choose how their assets will be distributed, heaven forbid the state gets to decide. (yes that does happen)
Not just you.
Do your best to offer a choice, an alternative if possible.
Then step back, give them time to think.
And if necessary, let it go.
Respect their decision.
Even if you think it’s the wrong one.
At the end of the day, its not you decision to make.
subtitle for your new post
clients are being caregivers for both elderly parents and children of all ages. They are sandwiched between the generations and constantly pulled in different directions.
You are working a full-time job, one you enjoy to a certain extent.
Oh, sometimes it’s a bit much, when the kids have band, games, tutors or sleepovers, doctors, dentists, conferences, etc. etc. etc.
It might feel like doing kids’ stuff, and going to work are what makes up your life now.
But that’s ok, kids’ stuff is great.
And you do enjoy your job, mostly.
Then, Mom and Dad start to need help. Lots of help.
There have been discussions with your sibs, as to what should be done.
That’s where I come in as your life coach.
Together, we will navigate all of it, the housing, the medical appointments, the legal issues, the financial matters that will come up.
And we will figure out how to take care of it ALL.
One of the main questions I get asked is how do I make my parents do what I want, whether it be move to an assisted living, or go to the doctor or make a will – whatever it may be – how do I do that?
The short answer is you don’t. If you loved one is not judged by the Court to be incapacitated, they have the right, just as you do, to make their own decisions.
However, when you think about it, how do you get anyone to do what you want them to do?
Do you bully, threaten, yell, throw up your hands in frustration?
No, you look at it from their perspective.
Your parent, respected, loved and who you literally owe your life to, is growing older.
Think of their loss.
Not just the physical, eyesight, hearing, movement, sometimes speech and ability to think.
Really, their ability to choose how they want to live their lives.
Imagine how you would feel?
And really, isn’t that what is in your future too?
First, let them know you SEE them. You understand this is hard and probably not how they saw their future.
Tell them you love them and want them to be safe and happy.
Gently, tell them why you are proposing a move, or a doctor visit, or that its time to make a Will.
Tell them how they will benefit from this action, what is in it for them.
How would it be to have friends to watch a football game with?
To not have to clean?
To have your meals available, but, have the option to cook?
With a doctor visit, to feel better knowing they are healthier than they thought.
With a Will, to know that right now they can choose how their assets will be distributed, heaven forbid the state gets to decide. (yes that does happen)
Not just you.
Do your best to offer a choice, an alternative if possible.
Then step back, give them time to think.
And if necessary, let it go.
Respect their decision.
Even if you think it’s the wrong one.
At the end of the day, its not you decision to make.
s’ stuff, and going to work are what makes up your life now.
But that’s ok, kids’ stuff is great.
And you do enjoy your job, mostly.
Then, Mom and Dad start to need help. Lots of help.
There have been discussions with your sibs, as to what should be done.
That’s where I come in as your life coach.
Together, we will navigate all of it, the housing, the medical appointments, the legal issues, the financial matters that will come up.
And we will figure out how to take care of it ALL.
One of the main questions I get asked is how do I make my parents do what I want, whether it be move to an assisted living, or go to the doctor or make a will – whatever it may be – how do I do that?
The short answer is you don’t. If you loved one is not judged by the Court to be incapacitated, they have the right, just as you do, to make their own decisions.
However, when you think about it, how do you get anyone to do what you want them to do?
Do you bully, threaten, yell, throw up your hands in frustration?
No, you look at it from their perspective.
Your parent, respected, loved and who you literally owe your life to, is growing older.
Think of their loss.
Not just the physical, eyesight, hearing, movement, sometimes speech and ability to think.
Really, their ability to choose how they want to live their lives.
Imagine how you would feel?
And really, isn’t that what is in your future too?
First, let them know you SEE them. You understand this is hard and probably not how they saw their future.
Tell them you love them and want them to be safe and happy.
Gently, tell them why you are proposing a move, or a doctor visit, or that its time to make a Will.
Tell them how they will benefit from this action, what is in it for them.
How would it be to have friends to watch a football game with?
To not have to clean?
To have your meals available, but, have the option to cook?
With a doctor visit, to feel better knowing they are healthier than they thought.
With a Will, to know that right now they can choose how their assets will be distributed, heaven forbid the state gets to decide. (yes that does happen)
Not just you.
Do your best to offer a choice, an alternative if possible.
Then step back, give them time to think.
And if necessary, let it go.
Respect their decision.
Even if you think it’s the wrong one.
At the end of the day, its not you decision to make.
subtitle for your new post
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Litehouse Coaching
When Sandwich Generation kids need to step in- Something is going on with Mom and Dad As a sandwich generation caregiver, you’re juggling so much—career, kids, and now the care of your aging parents. Knowing when to step in can be tricky, but watching for these signs can help you gauge if it’s time to get involved: 1. Changes in Appearance or Hygiene 🧼 If you notice things like unwashed clothes, poor grooming, or weight loss, they might be struggling to keep up with personal care or cooking. 2. Forgetfulness & Confusion 🧠 Occasional forgetfulness is normal, but consistent memory loss, difficulty keeping track of time, or confusion about familiar places might signal cognitive decline. 3. Safety Concerns at Home 🏠 Check for things like piles of unopened mail, unexplained bruises, or items that seem out of place. If driving or navigating stairs becomes unsafe, it’s time to address safety. 4. Mood & Behavioral Changes 😔 Look out for signs of loneliness, withdrawal from hobbies, or unusual irritability. Mental health is just as important as physical health. 5. Money Management Problems 💸 Missed bills, unnecessary purchases, or even scams could mean they’re struggling to handle finances independently. If you’re noticing these signs, it might be time to explore options like organizing support services, planning a move, or enlisting extra help. Remember, you don’t have to do it all alone. 💙 Follow Litehouse Coaching for more resources on how to navigate caring for aging parents while balancing your life. Let’s make this journey manageable, one step at a time. #CaregiverSupport #AgingParents #SandwichGeneration
Emergency! You are having a normal Monday. Kids off to school, hubby of to work, dog to day care and you arrive at your office. Morning meetings and reports hit you when you walk in the door. Typical Monday. Then, your phone rings. Display says its mom. Hmmm you think, that’s odd. As soon as you answer, you know it’s bad. Dads had a stroke and is on the way to the hospital. Your first thought “oh no, not today I have too much to do!” Guilt. Regret. Frustration. Yep, all those feelings and of course, concern for Dad. What do you do? Panic? Absolutely not. You reach for the Death book. The book you put together with your Senior Services Advisor. Has all the documents you need to get through the immecdiate crisis and keep you going for whatever happens next. Then, you let the office know you will gone for the day, family emergency. Does this resonate, this crisis situation? If it doesn’t now, it could possibley in your future. To work with me, your Senior Services Advisor, scheulcde an advocate call at https://kckcaregivercoach.com. I offer a emergency consult call, to solve the current crisis and get you prepared for the immediate future. If you need more indepth support, I offer a 4-month program, to cover all issues and give you peace of mind for the future. You will be prepared, just in case. he body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.
Litehouse Coaching Blog is a trusted resource for adult caregivers navigating the complex responsibilities of caring for aging parents. Here, you’ll find practical advice, resources, and expert insights to help you balance your caregiving role with your own personal and professional life. From guidance on managing daily tasks to programs designed to ease the challenges of caregiving, Litehouse Coaching Blog is your companion in making informed decisions and finding peace of mind in the caregiving journey.